I have always prayed that I would be a sweet joyful person, however I have a face that sometimes reflects anger and meanness. I am often asked am I ok, or accused of being too serious. I worry about this a lot. I love people, and always treat people with respect; however some people do bring out the worst in me. Is it their behavior? Or truly am I a mean person filled with anger and bitterness? Sometimes I feel as though it is me, and even when I try really hard to be quiet and kind, I find myself acting petty and childish. It doesn’t take much for my mouth to reflect what I am feeling inside either, soon it all comes out. (Usually, not in a nice way). Afterwards, I feel terrible and guilty and shameful because I have spoken things that I should have been quiet about.
It is no secret that my mother in law drives me crazy. She is a passive aggressive person and does not like me. This weekend was one of those weekends where I let my emotions get the best of me. I deleted and blocked her on Facebook, and then proceeded to send a text to her telling her why. Now I am feeling guilty. Did she bring out the bad in me or was the bad always there?
I am starting over today. I am praying that I will have peace with my decision and continue to move forward. I am determined not to let all this occupy my mind as I usually let it do in the past. I am going to be more focused on being nice and joyful for myself and those around me.